Although I’m 100% open on tumblr about my gender identity, I’m not totally open elsewhere. I’m out to my class at school, and a couple of teachers, who have been quite supportive. But because I’m not out everywhere, I’m generally cast as female.
But I did have one very supportive teacher at school. She’s my acting teacher, and I was telling her about how some of the roles I got to play in class helped me open up a little about my gender. In fact, the first play we did in class, Salt Water Moon, she was open to the girls playing the male role in the show, in which I totally took that opportunity. When I told her about how I was discovering myself more and more, she gave me options in class for next year. We’re doing Shakespeare for next year, and she told me that I can take the opportunity to play some of the roles which include cross-dressing females (ex: Rosalind in As You Like It, Viola in Twelfth Night, Portia in Merchant of Venice, etc.) so that I could play male roles in class, knowing that these are roles that I could 100% professionally do outside of school.
I know that if I told the rest of the staff and my friends at school, they’d probably all be quite supportive. I did have to deal with a little transphobia from one guy but it was all smoothed over.
I’ve sort of come to accept the fact that when I graduate, regardless of my gender, I’ll be cast as my sex for probably every professional production I do. But here’s the thing: I’m playing characters. These characters aren’t me, they’re just characters. They don’t determine who I am in my personal life, they simply determine who I play in my work life. And so long as I remember to separate fiction from reality, then what does it matter? I mean, I would LOVE to be able to professionally play male roles, but I have to sort of come to terms with the fact that it probably won’t happen. I may have a voice that I like to sort of joke is basically a tenor voice (and I can, in fact, sing a pretty good variety of male roles) but unless I’m playing Edwin Drood or Peter Pan, the likeliness to play a guy in a musical, unfortunately, is slim. But as I said, I think the important part to remember is that regardless of the amount of female roles I play, it doesn’t make me a girl. It makes me a genderfluid actor who plays female roles.
Sounds sort of like what I have with Jess. I treat her like we’re dating all the time, because I really do love her and I would give anything to be close enough to see her every day. And I know that if I get the chance to see her in New York in December, I’ll kiss her and hold her hand and hug her, just as if we were together. Long distance is a bitch, I won’t lie. It’s very difficult, and I’ve lost friendships and relationships because of it. It’s really shitty. But sometimes, regardless of how far you are from the person you love, you’ll never stop thinking about them - and sometimes when the person you love is so far away, when you finally see them again, you cherish the moments even more because you know you don’t get them as often. If it’s meant to be, I promise you that it will be. Maybe this person will come visit you, or you’ll go visit them at some point, and you’ll kiss again, and realize that either it’s meant to be, or it’s not.
I’ve totally liked people who weren’t necessarily what I think is “super cute”, but that usually means there’s something about them that just radiates and I think that’s what makes such people so special. Maybe one day you’ll get up the courage to tell him you like him! Not necessarily tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year! But maybe one day :)
Do you think you could lead a country?
Nope, nor do I have any want to. I’m a follower more than a leader, but hey, some of us have to be followers! :)
I love this! Two halves making a whole :)
tell me anonymously about the person you like